Epiphany - by Joanie Mackowski

A momentary rupture to the vision: 

the wavering limbs of a birch fashion

the fluttering hem of the deity’s garment,

the cooling cup of coffee the ocean the deity

waltzes across. This is enough—but sometimes

the deity’s heady ta-da coaxes the cherries

in our mental slot machine to line up, and

our brains summon flickering silver like

salmon spawning a river; the jury decides

in our favour, and we’re free to see, for now.

A flaw swells from the facets of a day, increasing

the day’s value; a freakish postage stamp mails

our envelope outside time; hairy, claw-like

magnolia buds bloom from bare branches;

and the deity pops up again like a girl from

a giant cake. O deity: you transfixing transgressor,

translating back and forth on the border

without a passport. Fleeing revolutions

of same-old simultaneous boredom and

boredom, we hoard epiphanies under the bed,

stuff them in jars and bury them in the backyard;

we cram our closet with sunrise; prop up our feet

and drink gallons of wow!; we visit the doctor

because all this is raising the blood’s levels of

c6h3(oh)2chohch2nhch3, the heart caught

in the deity’s hem and haw, the oh unfurling

from our chest like a bee from our cup of coffee,

an autochronous greeting: there. Who saw it?

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Meditation: Love is a Choice

The good that I would, I do not; the evil that I would not, that I do

Who is to deliver me from this body of death? (Paul of Tarsus)

Paul is speeking about the common condition of mankind - the tension between our everyday selves and the selves we aspire to be. We live with the tension by ignoring it, thinking this is the normal state of human existence. Or, we use other people as the yardstick of goodness and judging ourselves against them, believe we are as good as most and better than some.

But can we entirely shake off the sense of an independent absolute standard, a law of love, against which we fall short?

Robert Browning: That a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?

In the language of Chrisitan belief our lives are in a tussle for control between the devil and God.

John Donne in this poem says he is like an occupied town or like a spouse married to God’s enemy and can’t escape, unless God uses a battering ram against his unwilling heart. He needs to be broken and made anew.

Batter my heart, three-person’d God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o’erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp’d town to another due,
Labour to admit you, but oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv’d, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be lov’d fain,
But am betroth’d unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

Donne is saying he is helpless to divorce himself and wants God to do it for him.

Anne Bronte penned this verse in her poem “A Prayer”

"I know I owe my all to Thee;
Oh, TAKE the heart I cannot give!
Do Thou my strength my Saviour be,
And MAKE me to thy glory live.

She too says she must be made to live the life she wants.

George Macdonald disagrees with this idea. Love is not about how you feel, it’s about how you live – what choices you make.

We cannot expect God to give us nice feelings so that giving ourselves in love is automatic. Most of the time there are no special feelings, so our internal conflict is to be decided not by feeling but by our will.

God does not by the instant gift of His Spirit, make us always feel right, desire good, love purity, aspire after Him and His will.

The truth is this: He wants to make us in his own image, choosing the good, refusing the evil. How should he affect this if he were always moving us from within? …..

For God made our Individuality as well as, and a greater marvel than, our dependence.

Made our apartness from himself, that freedom should bind us divinely dearer to himself with a new and inscrutable marvel of love;

for the Godhead is still at the root, is the making root of our individuality and the freer the man, the stronger the bond that binds him to Him who made his freedom.

Substituting LOVE for the God idea this might be the translation

We cannot expect LOVE to give us nice feelings so that giving ourselves in love is automatic. Most of the time there are no special feelings, so our internal conflict is to be decided not by our feelings but by our will.

LOVE does not make us always feel right, desire good, love purity, or aspire after a sacrificial life.

The truth is this: LOVE wants to make us in its own image, choosing the good, refusing the evil. How should this be affected if LOVE was always moving us with feelings from within?

For LOVE creates our ability to love but does not make us dependent on feelings of love. We are left with an independent choice of the will.

When two people love there is giving and receiving; it is not a one-way street. So with ourselves and LOVE’s source. It does not overwhelm us but invites us to respond, not out of our feelings but out of our free will.

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Meditation: Refining

Divine Burning
From CS Lewis' anthology of the writings of George Macdonald

He will shake the heavens and earth, that only the unshakeable may remain. He is a consuming fire, that only that which cannot be consumed may stand forth eternal. It's just the nature of God so terribly pure that it destroys all that is not pure as fire, which demands like purity in our worship. He will have purity. It is not that the fire will burn us if we do not worship thus; yea, it will go on burning within us after all that is foreign to it has yielded to its force, no longer with pain and consuming, but as the highest consciousness of life. The presence of God.

He is like a refiner’s fire, and he shall purify

Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see the Father

O Thou who camest from above

The Pure celestial fire to impart

Kindle a flame of sacred love

On the mean altar of my heart

There let it for they glory burn

With inextinguishable blaze

And trembling to its source return

In humble prayer and fervent praise

Ready for all They perfect will

My acts of faith and love repeat

Til death Thy endless mercy seal

And make the sacrifice complete

Jesus says: You must be perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect.

Impossible! – too hard a burden to lay on our shoulders, simply piling guilt on guilt until following Jesus becomes a miserable burden, a Sisyphean task crushing and condemning us.

The Adam & Eve myth speaks of an innocence and purity in the Garden of Eden. The myth - a story to show a reality - speaks of the loss of this purity when Adam & Eve knew good and evil. They are banished from the garden but the memory would always be with them. This loss is what we recognise within oursleves - hence the truth of the myth. There is a spiritual void within us that cannot be filled - to be free of guilt, to be full of love, a return to the garden where the Father walks in the cool of the evening. We are caught between our natural selves and spiritual selves. Jesus is simply shining a light on this.

He sets before us the purity of the Father's love, revealing the weakness of our own, contaminated as it is by our selfish ego. Gold contaminated with base metal needs refining.

Dare we ask to be refined?

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Meditation: The Seed Shop

 

The seed shop by Muriel Stuart

 

Here, in a quiet and dusty room, they lie,

Faded as crumbled stone or shifting sand,
Forlorn as ashes shrivelled, scentless, dry -
Meadows and gardens running through my hand.
In this brown husk, a dale of hawthorn dreams,
A cedar in this narrow cell is thrust.
It will drink deeply of century’s streams,
These lilies shall make summer on my dust.
Here in their safe and simple house of death.
Sealed in their shells, a million roses leap.
Here I can blow a garden with my breath,
And in my hand a forest lies asleep.

Meditation

We too are the the fruit of biological seeds sown by our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and on and on. Back and back the lineage goes, species by species to the first spark of life on Earth.

We sow in turn into generations yet unborn. Life to life in one endless chain of humanity.

But to what end? Just more biology?

Words too are seeds. We hear them and see them. But what fruit do they bear?

“You have the words of eternal life”, Peter said to Jesus

These words of eternal life we too may hear - seeds that fall into our minds. What fruit do they bear?

Jesus told this seed story:

A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed,

• Some fell along the path, and birds came and ate it up.
• Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.
• Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants.
• Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.

“Listen to what the parable of the sower means:

• When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it,the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path.
• The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.
• The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.
• But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

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Four Loves

All You Need is Love the Beatles sang in 1967 but what is love, actually? To answer this question CS Lewis wrote "The Four Loves" as an exploration of the many shades of meaning behind that simple word. He used four Greek words to focus on four different forms that love can take in human life - each with its own beauty, challenges, and potential pitfalls. 

The book can be read online here. But note: it was written in 1960 by an Oxford Don so dated in many ways, particuarly in his examples and written by a scholar so over-wordy by today's standards.

What follows is summary of Lewis' book generated by AI and then edited,

Storge - Affection

Affection is the most natural and instinctive form of love. It is the love that typically arises within families - between parents and children, siblings, and even toward pets. Lewis sees it as a foundational love, one that develops out of familiarity and the natural bonds that form through shared experience.

Affection is not usually a deliberate choice; it simply grows from our proximity and long-term interactions with others. It provides a sense of belonging and stability, offering comfort in times of need.

Despite its warmth, affection can sometimes be taken for granted or become overly possessive. It lacks the conscious choice found in other types of love, which means it may not always rise to the challenges of a more reflective, moral love.

Philia - friendship

Friendship is a love that is deliberately chosen. Unlike the natural bond of affection, friendship is built on shared interests, mutual respect, and common values. Lewis considers it a unique form of love because it is both voluntary and  a way of engaging with people outside of our circle of affection.

True friendship involves a balance between giving and receiving, with both parties valuing each other’s company and insight. Friends often serve as mirrors, reflecting back to us parts of our character and helping us grow.

Because friendship is based on shared choices and common ideals, it can be fragile. When one friend changes or when interests diverge, the bond can weaken or break.

Eros - romantic love

Erotic love, or Eros, is the most intense and consuming form of love. It is characterized by passion, desire, and the yearning for union with another person. Lewis distinguishes this form of love from mere physical attraction or lust; it is about a deep, soulful longing to be united with another.

When balanced by reason and other forms of love, Eros can lead to profound personal transformation and a deeper connection with one’s partner.

Lewis warns that Eros can become problematic if it is elevated to an idol. When the beloved becomes an object of obsession, the love can turn possessive and self-centred. For Eros to be wholesome, it must eventually integrate with other aspects of love - such as friendship and selfless care - to avoid the pitfalls of obsession and unrealistic idealization.

Agape - unconditional & selfless love

Agape, is perhaps the highest and most challenging form of love in Lewis’s hierarchy. It is a selfless, unconditional love that does not depend on the worthiness or actions of the recipient. In Christian tradition, Agape is often seen as the love of God for humanity—and the love that humans are called to emulate.

Unlike the other loves, Agape is not limited by personal connection or mutual attraction. It is extended to all, regardless of personal ties or emotional reciprocation.

Practicing Agape demands a renunciation of selfish desires and a commitment to the well-being of others, often at personal cost.

Lewis acknowledges that while Agape is the ideal, it is difficult for humans to consistently practice this form of love without it becoming tainted by personal biases or emotional limitations.

Summary

Lewis emphasizes that these four loves are not mutually exclusive but can and do interrelate in a healthy life. For example, a deep friendship might blossom into romantic love, or a passionate relationship might be enriched by the steady comfort of affection. However, problems arise when one type of love is idolized or allowed to dominate our emotional lives to the detriment of the others. 
Human love is inherently flawed. Recognizing these imperfections is crucial for cultivating a more mature, reflective, and ultimately redemptive love.

Philosophical and Theological Insights

The Reflection of Divine Love:
Lewis argues that the various forms of human love are, in a sense, echoes of the divine love (Agape) that we are meant to emulate. Each type of love contains a “shadow” of this higher form, and the journey of life involves transforming our natural inclinations into something that more closely resembles unconditional, selfless love.

Love as a Discipline:
Far from being a mere emotion, love in Lewis’s view is a discipline - a practice that involves choice, sacrifice, and sometimes even pain. The process of loving well demands both humility and the willingness to confront one’s own imperfections.

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Paul McCartney: John Donne

 Paul McCartney's Dream  

Paul was going through a difficult time, working hard and dealing with tensions in The Beatles that would eventually lead to the group splitting up, He writes:

"I fell asleep exhausted one day and had a dream in which my mum (who had died just over 10 years previously) did in fact come to me. When you dream about seeing someone you've lost, even though it's sometimes just for a few seconds, it really does feel like they’re right there with you and it's as if they've always been there. My mum was very reassuring. In this dream, seeing my mum's beautiful, kind face and being with her in a peaceful place was very comforting. I immediately felt at ease and loved and protected. My mum is very reassuring and like so many women often are, she was also able to keep our family going. She kept our spirits up. She seemed to realise I was worried about what was going on in my life and what would happen, and she said to me. 

"Everything will be alright. Let it be."

As far as religion goes, I'm obviously influenced by Christianity. But there are many great teachings in all the religions. I'm not particularly religious in any conventional sense, but I do believe in the idea there is some sort of higher force that can help us. So this song becomes a prayer, or mini prayer. There's a yearning somewhere at its heart, the word amen itself means. 

So be it or let it be.

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Paul Mccartney / John Lennon

John Donne's Vision

John Donne (1571 or 1572 – 31 March 1631) was an English poet, scholar, soldier and secretary born into a recusant family, who later became a cleric in the Church of England. He married Anne More in 1601 when she was 17 and he was 30 or 31.

Wikipedia Page

Donne had gone to Paris (1612) at about the same time as his wife Anne, was about to give birth to their eighth child in London. 

Izaac Walton records in his biography of Donne:

“Two days after their arrival there, Mr Donne was left alone, in the room in which Robert [Drury], and he, and some friends had dined together. To this place Sir Robert returned within half an hour; and, as he left so he  found Mr Donne alone; but, in such ecstasy, and so altered as to his looks, as amazed Sir Robert to behold him: insomuch that he earnestly desired Mr. Donne to declare what had befallen him in the short time of his absence? To which Mr Donne was not able to make present answer: but after a long and perplexed pause, did at last say, 

I have seen a dreadful vision since I saw you: I have seen my dear wife passed twice by me through this room with her hair hanging about her shoulders, and a dead child in her arms: this I have seen since I saw you. 

To which Sir Robert replied, Sure Sir, you have slept since I saw you, and this is a result of some melancholy dream which I desire you to forget for you are now awake. To which Mr Donne's reply was: 

I cannot be surer that I now live than that I have not slept since I saw you: and am as sure that at her second appearing, she stopped and looked me in the face and vanished.

He sent a messenger to London the next morning. The man returned 12 days later.Anne he said. had borne a stillborn child the same day and about the very hour that Mr Donne affirmed he saw her pass by him in his chamber.

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The Way of Blessing

 

This blog is part of a series looking at Jesus teaching to show how his words can challenge believers and non-believers alike to live a more fulfilled life. Instead of the word "God" I use "The Father" for two reasons, first G-o-d is not definable in any agreed way, and secondly because Jesus saw our relationship with God as being like that of a child with their Father. 

It's All about The Kingdom

Jesus teaching is a challenge, a big challenge. The nub of his message was "Repent, the Kingdom of Heaven is near, and you are far from it". He so angered people of his own village that they tried to throw him off a cliff. In Matthew's account Jesus shows how the values of the Kingdom of Heaven are opposed to those of a selfish world. 

The Blessed

He begins with  a list of those who are blessed by the Father, a group of blessing called the Beatitudes.

The words “bless”, “blessed” and “blessing” are not often used in everyday speech. They have a spiritual feel to them, and we live in a very secular society. If we say, “The husband blessed his wife with a gift of flowers” it seems to have a deeper meaning than, “The husband pleased his wife with a gift of flowers”. As though the flowers were not simply pleasing to his wife’s romantic nature but were touching her more deeply in her spirit. “He was blessed with a beautiful voice” suggests that voice was a gift, a divine gift maybe, not simply a product of the singer’s DNA.

For me these words do have a spiritual meaning and refer to giving and receiving in our spirits.

These are the people Jesus says are blessed:  

• The spiritually hungry who seek to feed their spirit just as they feed their body.
• Those who mourn not just over the loss of a loved one, but who grieve over their own failures and grieve for those who suffer.
• Those who live a humble and modest life, without being assertive or arrogant or rude.
• Those who have a deep longing for justice – that right should prevail.
• Those who are merciful, compassionate and forgiving.
• Those who open honest and truthful, sincere, single-minded with no hypocrisy.
• Those who seek to resolve conflicts, and bring reconciliation and harmony.
• Those who persecuted for speaking truthfully and acting with integrity and honesty.

We would not expect such people to make much headway in a selfish world based on survival of the fittest and looking after Number One. So, what was Jesus getting at?

As always, Jesus’ message is about the Kingdom of Heaven. These are the qualities that are blessed, that find favour with the Father, because they reflect what the Father is like. Jesus is saying to live the life of the spirit is to be like a mirror reflecting the light of the Father out into the world.

But those who live by the values of the world, do not wish to stand in this reflected light because it reveals the darkness in their lives. So they will try to extinguish the light by persecuting those who display it. In the world’s eyes, wealth, power, and comfort are often seen as markers of success. But Jesus flips this script, declaring that the truly blessed are those who:

• Do not seek material wealth.
• Show compassion instead of seeking advantage.
• Work for peace rather than division.
• Endure hardship for the sake of what is right.

A Radical Vision

This radical vision reflects the nature of living a life of unslefish love, the life of the Kingdom of Heaven, in which the values of humility, justice, and mercy prevail.

Strip away the spiritual language and the Beatitudes are as relevant today as they were 2,000 years ago. In a world driven by competition, consumerism, and instant gratification, they call us to live differently.

We can take Jesus words to heart by:

Practicing Humility: Recognize we need to live a less selfish life and serve others rather than seeking status or recognition.
Showing Compassion: Extend mercy and kindness, especially to those who are vulnerable or marginalized.
Working for Justice: Advocate for fairness and equity in our communities, standing against oppression and exploitation.
Pursuing Peace: Seek reconciliation in our relationships and aim for unity in our family, workplace, or society.

Conclusion

The Beatitudes are a pathway to true blessedness, not dependent on circumstances but rooted in eternal promises. They are a timeless invitation to live with purpose, compassion, and hope, embodying the life and teachings of Jesus in a broken world.

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A Personal Epiphany

First Commitment  

When I was about 15 years old, I attended a service in which those who wished to commit themselves to Christ were invited to come forward during the singing of the last hymn. I think about three or four of us did. I can’t say I felt any great emotion at the time, it was more a decision of the will rather than the heart, along the lines of: “If I’m going to be a Christian, I’d better give it my best shot”. However, it was undoubtably a fork in the road. A statement of intent.

Some of my school friends were in the congregation and they looked at me with curiosity at school the following week, expecting some signs of improvement or even sainthood perhaps. They were disappointed. Nothing had changed.

An Outsider

In the summer of 1963, before I went to Uni. I signed up as a worker to The Derwent Convention at Cliff College in Derbyshire.

Cliff College was an evangelical training college for Methodist ministers. The Methodism I knew was staid middle-of-the-road and certainly not evangelical. The college motto was and still is, “Christ For All, All For Christ”. People descended on the college from all over the country, staying in various types of accommodation for a week of meetings, services, and recreation. The workers, mostly students, were there to serve the meals, wash up and keep the place clean and tidy, but they could also attend the meetings in their free time.

When I arrived, I soon discovered that my fellow workers had a faith much more real and vibrant than mine. I felt like an outsider at a party.

The first stint of duty was in a large dining hall for the opening meal. The hall was filled by the convention guests, seated at long trestle tables. When everyone had arrived and all was quiet, the master of ceromonies said,"Let's stand and give thanks". He began a hymn and then the hall filled with an explosion of song, heads were lifted, eyes were shining, every voice sang out in full volume. The hall seemed to shake. I’d never experienced anything like it. I had goose bumps. I knew then these people had something I didn’t have, and I wanted it – badly!

Re-dedication

Tuesday evening of the convention was always a re-dedication service for those who wanted to make a fresh start to their Christian life. I determine to go and make my own fresh start. That afternoon I went for a walk with a friend to look at the Well-dressing at the village of Stoney Middleton about two miles away. Well-dressing is a Derbyshire tradition - Derbyshire Well Dressings . It was a lovely, sunny day. We admired the well-dressing and then went into the nearby church. I sat in a pew and let God know I wanted to start again. I shed a few tears.

Epiphany

That evening, I sat with my fellow workers near the back of the meeting marquee. The service proceeded in the normal way. I don’t remember anything about it, I was just waiting for the end and the re-dedication moment. The speaker announced the last hymn. He asked the congregation to remain seated until the last verse but invited those who wished to re-dedicate themselves to stand during the first verse and then make their way out to the front. The hymn was “Love Divine, All loves excelling”. I decided I would stand at the end of the first line. When the piano struck the first chord, Pauline, one of the workers, stood immediately. I can see her now in her white dress, sitting two seats away from me. I stood too and we made our way along the row and into the aisle. Nothing in the service had been out of the ordinary. Nothing to stir my heart or emotions. As I walked out to the front the congregation were singing the last line of the first verse: “Enter every trembling heart”, and at that moment I began to shake. I couldn’t stop. I felt very visible and very embarrassed.

At the end of the hymn, the service was brought to a close and those of us who had gone forward were led away to a room for prayer. I sat at a table opposite a man. I’ve no memory of him or anything he said. I suppose he prayed for me. I left the room and outside my fellow workers were waiting. As I went to hug them, I suddenly felt totally full of love as though pure love, the real thing, had been poured into me. It was extraordinary. Love not just for my friends but somehow, it’s ridiculous to write this, love for everyone, for the whole world.

That was my epiphany.

The love did not remain. I wasn’t mine. It was a brief revelation of love’s endless source.

The rest of that week felt very different, as though I had been outside a house, looking in through the windows but now I was inside. I had knocked and the door had opened. I wanted to stay with those people, enjoying their fellowship and shared faith, but the end of the week came, and we went our separate ways back to normal life.

A word of caution.

What happened was an emotional experience and emotions are not to be trusted. As far as I’m aware I wasn’t in any emotional state in the meeting, which was conducted in Methodist fashion, soberly with no hype. I had shed tears in the church in the afternoon, but that emotion had passed. I expected nothing more in the meeting than putting down another marker, a fresh start. What happened was unexpected.

So, was it real or just my brain hallucinating. To me it was real but then I cannot separate myself from my brain. People may find my experience interesting, but I don’t expect anyone to agree with my interpretation.

What Remains

That moment has always stayed with me. I wish I could say It made me a more loving person, but sadly no, I am like most people, I love a little and should love more. Many love far more generously, far more deeply and far more constantly. Yet it was important. It showed me that love is far bigger than we think of it or experience. And that the greatest thing we can do with our lives is not to seek money or status but to love as much as we can and seek to love more.

I am no-longer a signed-up member of any church but I do believe in the teachings of Jesus and in a limited way I am his disciple. I also believe there is a source of inexhaustible love, that somehow exists beyond our senses and is available to all no matter what their beliefs. I don’t want to give it a name because words are inadequate and restrict. However, I do think when Jesus speaks of The Kingdom of Heaven this is what he meant, so I can pray:

 “Your Kingdom Come”.

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Davy Vanauken - journey to faith

Introduction

This is an account of how Jean (Davy) Vanauken became a Christian. It does not involve any great moment of revelation but was a process unfolding over a few years. To understand her journey we need to understand a much-ridiculed word. Sin.

Suppose you were invited to a reception in which you are to be introduced to the King. You are dressed to perfection but before you enter the building you park the car, trip and fall into a muddy pool of water. You are a mess but there’s no time to go home and change. Fortunately, in the car you have a long overcoat, so you put it on and hope to get away with it. But when you enter the reception you have to remove the coat and at that moment the King walks by and sees you.

This illustrates what “sin” means. If all our imperfections, failures in compassion, wrongdoings, harsh words and unkind deeds were no longer hidden but exposed to the light then we would all look very grubby indeed. We bathe and shower to keep our bodies clean but how do we clean our souls? For most of us this is not a problem, we tolerate our imperfection. After all, no one is perfect. We reckon ourselves to be as good as most people and a lot better than some. But, in the words uaed in Handel's Messiah:

“Who can abide the day of his coming, and who shall stand when he appeareth?”

In the presence of holiness our unholy self has no place to hide. This is the point Davy Vanauken came to.

A Severe Mercy

Her story is told in A Severe Mercy (1977) by her husband Sheldon Vanauken. Extracts below in italics are from the book.

When Davy and Sheldon began their relationship that in time led to their marriage, they erected what they called “The Shining Barrier” within which they would share everything and at the same time keep the rest of the world at bay.

Sheldon Vanuken does not include in the book a very important part of Davy’s youth. Her father was Methodist minister and two years after his death, when she was 14, she gave birth to a daughter who she named Marion. The baby was given up for adoption, but Davy never forgot her. It is very likely that this experience played a part in the journey to faith she was to take.

All The World Fell Away

A Severe Mercy recounts an incident in a park where Davy was reading a book and a man exposed himself to her. She outran him and was not molested but of course was deeply upset. Sheldon writes:

I came home to find her face streaked with tears and she clung to me desperately and wept. It was some time before she could try to tell me what had happened. The two lines she wrote next day of a poem that was never completed are the beginning point:

All the world fell away last night
Leaving you, only you and fright.

Her sins, she said, had come out and paraded before her, ghastly in appearance and mocking in demeanour. What sins? What sins could this eager, loving creature have committed? Not sins as the world counts sins. No one person had she murdered. Not one gold ingot stolen. No unfaithfulness, no secret drinking, no dishonesty, no sloth, no kicking dogs. But sometimes she'd been grouchy or snappish. She had said cruel things to people. …... Now her words haunted her. Sin. She knew there was such a thing as plain sin. Not something any psychiatrist could absolve or explain away. Even worse, the sins of omission. She quoted some poet whose name she did not know. “O, unattempted loveliness. O costly valour never won”.

She was shaken to the depths. Shaken as I had never known her to be. I knew it had been a huge and dreadful experience. But how could I understand? I who had never known the like. …... …I know now, of course. That she had experienced the classical conviction of sin. Christianity knows all about it. But I didn't know all about Christianity.

The Sin Picture

Davy enjoyed drawing and painting. She painted a tree in a meadow near their house.

Then she did another of the tree recognisably the same tree, black and bare of leaves. But the meadow had given way to a dream landscape of rocks and earthen cliffs. In the cliffs were caves out of which grotesque and even fiendish faces leered. In the foreground was the tree and near it a wraithlike female figure -the soul beyond doubt - groped as though unable to see clearly towards the tree: the tree whose massive branch cast on the bare earth the shadow of the crucified Messiah. The Shadow of a Tree. The picture grew, of course, out of that experience of all the world falling away. And we called it lightly, her sin picture.

Oxford – Christians - CS Lewis

Not long after the end of WWII they moved from the USA to Oxford so Sheldon could study for a BLitt degree. They were still atheists but in Oxford came across many Christians who became friends. Gradually as they met and talked with them, they were impressed not just by their explanations of their faith but by the lives they lived. Davy and Sheldon began to take the possibility of faith more seriously. They were also strongly influenced by the writings of CS Lewis who was an Oxford Don. Sheldon started a correspondence with Lewis. They realised they were coming closer and closer to the point where a decision would have to be made.

Decision

But Davy’s emotional position was not the same. There was need. What we talked about mostly were the intellectual things that can be put into words so much more easily than feelings, especially feelings that are not perhaps altogether known to oneself. But there were for Davy needs growing out of sin and pain. She had not forgotten, of course, that night when all the world fell away. The experience she painted in her sin picture with this prophetic shadow of the crucified Lord. Even then, intuitively she had known what it all pointed to. That experience and the very different one of the evil man in the park. The frightful evil of the monstrous ego had, I think, undermined her confidence in herself and even perhaps undermined her confidence in the beautiful us-sufficiency of our love. But she didn't know it, nor did I. But the Shining Barrier was not quite invulnerable.

Christianity was offering consolation and assurance and even absolution. It fell into her soul as the water of life. One evening, after a lively discussion of the faith. I asked Davy if she felt she was near to believing that Christ was God. She said. “Well, I think he might be”. She put this exchange in her journal. And then she wrote underneath, “I kept wanting to say. I do. I do believe in Jesus. Jesus, the Son of God and divine”. She was on the brink indeed. And then she leaped. Only two days later, she wrote.

Today. Crossing from one side of the room to the other. I lumped together all I am all fear, hate, love, hope and well. DID it. I committed my ways to God in Christ.

A few weeks later Sheldon took his own leap of faith.

Afterward

They returned to the USA but a few years later, on January 17, 1955 Davy died of a viral infection . She was 40 years old, and they had been married for seventeen years.

Sheldon Vanauken died of lung cancer on October 28, 1996. Wikipedia entry here

Sheldon Vanauken – another link

A Severe Mercy comments etc here

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Epiphany: NDE: Dr Eben Alexander

American neurosurgeon Dr Eben Alexander claims that he reunited with his sister in the afterlife.

Full story here: Top doctor who fell into coma

The medic's life changed forever in November 2008 when he woke up one morning with a 'searing headache' while working at the Lynchburg General Hospital in Virginia.

"Within a few hours, I went into a coma: my neocortex, the part of the brain that handles all the thought processes making us human, had shut down completely," he explained.

It was determined that Alexander was suffering from bacterial meningitis, which was 'eating into his brain like acid' and inflaming his spinal cord - and his chances at survival were little to none.

Dr Eben Alexander used to be 'skeptical' about the afterlife until his brush with death

The academic, who taught brain science at Harvard Medical School, was experiencing seizures, and doctors decided to place him into a medically-induced coma to give his body a chance to recuperate, even though the prognosis didn't look good.

"Scans showed no conscious activity whatever - my brain was not malfunctioning, it was completely unplugged. But my inner self still existed, in defiance of all the known laws of science."

Alexander admitted his line of work had made him 'skeptical' about patients claiming they had experienced out-of-body experiences, angelic encounters and hallucinations, as he believed it was the brain's way of coping with trauma.

"And then, in the most dramatic circumstances possible, I discovered proof that I was wrong,"

 

What he saw

After slipping into the coma, he recalls feeling as though he was in a 'primitive, primordial state that felt like being buried in earth' - but he was aware this was not the world he was familiar with as he sensed, heard and saw 'other entities'.

"After an expanse of time had passed, though I can't begin to guess how long, a light came slowly down from above, throwing off marvellous filaments of living silver and golden effulgence. "It was a circular entity, emitting a beautiful, heavenly music that I called the Spinning Melody.

"The light opened up like a rip in the fabric of that coarse realm, and I felt myself going through the rip, up into a valley full of lush and fertile greenery, where waterfalls flowed into crystal pools.

It was paradise, and Alexander wanted to travel into it 'deeper and deeper'. He describes heaven as being as 'vast, various and populated as Earth', but says that 'nothing is isolated, alienated or disconnected' there, adding: "Everything is one."

Alexander explained that while soaking up the sheer beauty of the place, he eventually encountered an 'infinitely powerful' deity who he referred to as Om, who served as his guide.

"She was an extraordinarily beautiful woman who first appeared as I rode, as that speck of awareness, on the wing of that butterfly," he said. "I'd never seen this woman before. I didn't know who she was.

"Yet her presence was enough to heal my heart, to make me whole in a way I'd never known was possible. Her face was unforgettable.

Without actually speaking, she let me know that I was loved and cared for beyond measure and that the universe was a vaster, better, and more beautiful place than I could ever have dreamed.

Meanwhile, he'd been in a coma for a week and showed no signs of improvement, prompting doctors to consider whether they should turn his life support off - but he then suddenly regained consciousness.

"My eyes just popped open, and I was back. I had no memories of my earthly life but knew full well where I had been," he explained. "I had to relearn everything: who, what, and where I was.

After his near-death experience, he felt like a 'different person' due to the things he had experienced, and he found it especially difficult to get Om off his mind.

But everything made sense when the doctor, who was adopted as a child, received a letter four months later.

Alexander explained he remembered nothing of his birth family and grew up not knowing that he had a biological sister, Betsy until he later went in search of his parents. "But for Betsy it was too late: she had died," the medic said. One of his relatives, whom he had been in touch with, sent Alexander a photograph of his sister, which solidified his alleged afterlife experience — Betsy was the woman he had encountered.

"The shock of recognition was total," Alexander added. "The moment I realised this, something crystallised inside me. "That photo was the confirmation that I'd needed. This was proof, beyond reproach, of the objective reality of my experience.

"From then on, I was back in the old, earthly world I'd left behind before my coma struck, but as a genuinely new person. I had been reborn."

Comment

NDE's are controversial. What are we to make of them? Wise words from Albert Einstein:

“A man should look for what is, and not what he thinks should be.”

How we see and understand the world is controlled by our brain.The human brain has about 86 billion neurons. Each of those neurons can have thousands of connections, making our brains incredibly complex. 

"We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are" (Talmud)

Not suprisingly there is no definitive scientific explanation for NDE's. Medics and psychologists have theories about what the science might be behind NDE's but by their nature repeat experiments are impossible. So it's difficult to follow Einstein's dictum in these cases.

Scientific American: what-near-death-experiences-reveal-about-the-brain

Some NDE's are not positive and can be accompanied by fear.

Those who experience a positive NDE, and there are thousands who do, will need no convincing. The rest of us must choose whether these are evidence of an after-life or simply our brain doing it's own thing.

The NDE Researech Foundation website is a database of over 5000 reported NDE's

www.nderf.org/

Study of 1000 NDE's here Near-Death Experiences Evidence for Their Reality

Conclusion from this study

The combination of the preceding nine lines of evidence converges on the conclusion that near-death experiences are medically inexplicable. Any one or several of the nine lines of evidence would likely be reasonably convincing to many, but the combination of all of the presented nine lines of evidence provides powerful evidence that NDEs are, in a word, real.

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Epiphany: NDE: Anita Moorjani

Anita Moorjani, a best-selling author and speaker

Anita Moorjani, had a near-death experience (NDE) in 2006 while suffering from terminal cancer. During this experience, she encountered a divine presence and felt an overwhelming sense of love and understanding. This profound epiphany led to her miraculous recovery and a complete transformation in her outlook on life.

The following are some extracts from her online account of her NDE. The full story can be read here:

Anita's Account from her website

On the morning of February 2, 2006, after four heart-wrenching years with cancer, my body had finally had enough and I went into a coma.

As my husband rushed me to the hospital, the world around me started to appear surreal and dreamlike, and I could feel myself slip further and further from consciousness.

The moment I arrived and the oncologist saw me, her face visibly filled with shock. “Your wife’s heart may still be beating,” she told Danny, “but she’s not really there. It’s too late to save her. 

I watched as Danny’s face filled with anguish, and I wanted to cry out to him, It’s okay, darling—I’m okay! Please don’t worry. Don’t listen to the doctor. I actually feel great! But I couldn’t. No words came out. No sound. Danny couldn’t hear me.

In this near-death state, I was more acutely aware of all that was going on around me than I’d ever been in a normal physical state. I wasn’t using my five biological senses, yet I was keenly taking everything in. It was as though another, completely different type of perception kicked in, and I seemed to encompass everything that was happening, as though I was slowly merging with it all.

I continued to sense myself expanding farther and farther outward, drawing away from my physical surroundings. It was as though I were no longer restricted by the confines of space and time, and I continued to spread myself out to occupy a greater expanse of consciousness. I simultaneously experienced a sense of joy mixed with a generous sprinkling of jubilation and happiness.

I felt all my emotional attachments to my loved ones and my surroundings slowly fall away. What I can only describe as superb and glorious unconditional love surrounded me, wrapping me tight as I continued to let go.

The feeling of complete, unconditional love was unlike anything I’d known before. It was totally undiscriminating, as if I didn’t have to do anything to deserve it, nor did I need to prove myself to earn it.

To my amazement, I became aware of the presence of my father, who’d died ten years earlier. 

I also recognized the essence of my best friend, Soni, who’d died of cancer three years prior. I seemed to know that they’d both been present with me long before I became aware of them, all through my illness.

I was aware of other beings around me. I didn’t recognize them, but I knew they loved me very much and were protecting me. I realized that they, too, had been with me all this time, surrounding me with love, even when I wasn’t conscious of it.

My heightened awareness and feelings of unconditional love in that expanded realm were indescribable, despite my best efforts to explain them.

Why do I suddenly understand all this? I wanted to know. Who’s giving me this information? Is it God? Krishna? Buddha? Jesus?

And then I was overwhelmed by the realization that God isn’t a being, but a state of being... and I was now in that state of being.

Comment

NDE's are controversial. What are we to make of them? Wise words from Albert Einstein:

“A man should look for what is, and not what he thinks should be.”

How we see and understand the world is controlled by our brain.The human brain has about 86 billion neurons. Each of those neurons can have thousands of connections, making our brains incredibly complex. 

"We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are" (Talmud)

Not suprisingly there is no definitive scientific explanation for NDE's. Medics and psychologists have theories about what the science might be behind NDE's but by their nature repeat experiments are impossible. So it's difficult to follow Einstein's dictum in these cases.

Scientific American: what-near-death-experiences-reveal-about-the-brain

Some NDE's are not positive and can be accompanied by fear.

Those who experience a positive NDE, and there are thousands who do, will need no convincing. The rest of us must choose whether these are evidence of an after-life or simply our brain doing it's own thing.

The NDE Researech Foundation website is a database of over 5000 reported NDE's

www.nderf.org/

Study of 1000 NDE's here Near-Death Experiences Evidence for Their Reality

Conclusion from this study

The combination of the preceding nine lines of evidence converges on the conclusion that near-death experiences are medically inexplicable. Any one or several of the nine lines of evidence would likely be reasonably convincing to many, but the combination of all of the presented nine lines of evidence provides powerful evidence that NDEs are, in a word, real.

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Epiphany: Novalis

Georg Philipp Friedrich Freiherr von Hardenberg (2 May 1772 – 25 March 1801) also known as Novalis

Wikipedia entry

Friedrich Freiherr von Hardenberg was a young, German romantic, searching for meaning. On the one hand there was religion, philosophy and poetic imagination, on the other were his studies in mathematics, chemistry and the operation of  salt mines. 

In 1795 he fell in love with a 12 year old girl, Sophie von Kuhn. He arranged to marry her when she was sixteen, but she died shortly after her 15th birthday. Her death left him distraught.

Epiphanies

He wrote: We think we know the laws that govern our existence. We get glimpses, perhaps only once or twice in a lifetime of a totally different system at work behind them. One day, when I was reading between Rippach and Lutzen, I felt the certainty of immortality, like the touch of a hand……As things are, we are the enemies of the world and foreigners to this earth.

Vision of a young man in the church yard: He said aloud. The external world is the world of shadows. It throws its shadows into the Kingdom of Light. How different they will appear when this darkness is gone, and the shadow-body has passed away. The universe, after all, is within us. The way leads inwards always inwards.

These brief moments when it seems another world breaks into normal existence are epiphanies that left him with a deep, unsatisfied longing.

Vision at Sophie's grave 

From Hymns to The Night.

Once when I was shedding bitter tears, when, dissolved in pain, my hope was melting away, and I stood alone by the barren mound which in its narrow dark bosom hid the vanished form of my life, lonely as never yet was lonely man, driven by anxiety unspeakable, powerless, and no longer anything but a conscious misery. 

As there I looked about me for help, unable to go on or to turn back, and clung to the fleeting, extinguished life with an endless longing: then, out of the blue distances from the hills of my ancient bliss, came a shiver of twilight and at once snapped the bond of birth the chains of the Light. Away fled the glory of the world, and with it my mourning the sadness flowed together into a new, unfathomable world 

Thou, Night-inspiration, heavenly Slumber, didst come upon me the region gently upheaved itself; over it hovered my unbound, newborn spirit. The mound became a cloud of dust and through the cloud I saw the glorified face of my beloved. In her eyes eternity reposed  I laid hold of her hands, and the tears became a sparkling bond that could not be broken. 

Into the distance swept by, like a tempest, thousands of years. On her neck I welcomed the new life with ecstatic tears. It was the first, the only dream and just since then I have held fast an eternal, unchangeable faith in the heaven of the Night, and its Light, the Beloved.

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A World Beyond

Introduction

The purpose of this blog is to ask:

• do human beings have a spiritual as well as a physical nature?
• do near death experiences and profound epiphanies point to a spiritual realm beyond the physical?
• does the persistence of religion in the modern world point to a spiritual reality?
• are there other indicators?

I also argue that the spiritual life is unique to the individual and does not have to involve religous beliefs.

Homo religiosus 

In the caverns of Lascaux in France there are 30,000 year old cave paintings that clearly show this early
human society was involved in rituals, an expression of religious belief. Karen Armstrong begins her book "The Case for God" with these paintings. She discusses the importance of myth and ritual in shaping human understanding, and the role of religion in helping people make sense of their existence and the mysteries of life. She titles this chapter, Homo religiosus to develop the idea there is more to Homo sapiens than the merely physical, and despite thousands of years of human history and the scientific revolution, religious belief is still firmly embedded in the human race. Why should this be? Science tells us we are only complex biological machines so do we pretend we have a spiritual side because we can’t face an uncomfortable truth, or is our spiritual nature actually as real as our DNA?

If the word "spiritual" does represent some kind of non-physical reality must we accept there is a God? Not at all, there is a big problem with the G-word.

The Problem with the G-word.

In her Introduction to The Case for God, Armstrong writes: 

God is not a being at all. And that we really don't know what we mean when we say he is good, wise or intelligent. People of faith… sometimes assume they know exactly who He is and what He thinks, loves, and expects. We tend to tame and domesticate God's otherness. We regularly ask God to bless our nation. Save our Queen, cure our sickness, or give us a fine day for the picnic. We remind God that He created the world and that we are miserable sinners, as though this may have slipped His mind. 

Here we have the nub of the problem. The word “God” means what exactly? 

In “The Christian Agnostic”, Leslie Weatherhead, a Methodist minister, began the chapter “God and Guesses” as follows: 

There is something almost ludicrous in sitting down at a desk and writing the word God at the top of a sheet of paper and then being presumptuous enough to add. Anything. So, the Ant or the Mouse might be imagined sitting down to write about man. Having just written the word God. I feel that the most appropriate thing to do would be to leave half a dozen blank sheets of paper. … No language can do other than belittle. No words can be other than caricature. 

Weatherhead invites his readers to explore faith through personal experience and reason. 

CS Lewis, famous for the Narnia stories is a widely read Christian apologist.  In his poem, “The Footnote to All Prayers” he says he cannot comprehend the God to whom he prays: The poem begins:

He whom I bow to, only knows to whom I bow
When I attempt the ineffable Name, muttering Thou,
And dream of Pheidian fancies and embrace in heart
Symbols (I know) which cannot be the thing Thou art.

(Pheidias was an Ancient Greek sculptor, who made statues of the gods)

Weatherhead also says:

 “to prove his existence is impossible if the word proved is used in any scientific, unanswerable sense. To quote authorities is futile. … There is no authority for God's existence except the inward conviction that is born of mystical experience.

All three writers are saying the very word “God” is a big problem because it cannot be defined. Dictionaries are useless – no one knows what G-O-D actually means. Weatherhead says it's like an ant or a mouse defining a human being –clearly impossible! “G” = “mystery” is the equation.

But we don’t like mystery, we want to know, and over the centuries religions with their holy books, prophets and teachers claim to have solved the G-mystery. The plain fact is, the existence of so many different faiths and the many sub-divisions in each one (45,000 in Christianity alone) demonstrates the mystery remains a mystery.

Hafiz: “Dear ones, beware of the tiny gods frightened men create to bring anaesthetic relief to their sad days”

The temptation is to agree with Stephen Fry, “Religion sod it”. There is no mystery because there is no G. But there is another approach. If we really are spiritual beings and there really is a spiritual realm then we should expect what Weatherhead calls mystical experiences - epiphanies.

Epiphanies

Epiphanies are totally unexpected, fleeting moments experienced by single individuals that have a profound impact on those who receive them, leaving an inward, unshakeable conviction. They include those “aha” moments of deep insight which open up new possibilities for a person’s life.

A N Whitehead: “only at rare intervals does the deeper and vaster world come through into conscious thought or expression, but they are the memorable moments of life. It is then, if ever, that the door to the invisible world silently swings open, and something of the wonder and greatness of the spiritual universe is flashed upon the soul.”

Roger Bacon: “Of the three ways of acquiring knowledge, authority, reasoning, and experience, only the last is effective.”

Examples of epiphanies:

• Spiritual Experiences: Many people report feeling a profound sense of connection with a higher power during meditation, prayer, or moments of deep reflection.
• Nature: Some individuals feel a divine presence when they are in nature, such as witnessing a breathtaking sunset, standing at the edge of a vast ocean, or hiking in the mountains.
• Near-Death Experiences: There are numerous accounts of people who have had near-death experiences and describe encountering a divine being or feeling a sense of peace and love.
• Acts of Kindness: Witnessing or being part of acts of kindness and compassion can sometimes feel like a divine intervention or presence.
• Art and Music: Engaging with or creating art and music can evoke a sense of the divine, as these forms of expression often tap into deep emotions and transcend everyday experiences.

These encounters can be deeply meaningful and transformative, providing individuals with a sense of purpose, peace, and connection to something greater than themselves. But though they may convince one person there is something greater than themselves, they don't convince anyone else. We all need our own epiphanies. 

Longing & Guilt

If we are spiritual beings, it would be normal for us to have a longing for spiritual fulfilment, like an exile longing for home. But do we?

Children’s literature and fantasy writing tap into this kind of longing. The conflict between good and evil is played out in the stories, hidden worlds are just a step away from our own, and children set out on heroic quests.  In Narnia it is Winter but never Christmas; the power of the White Witch must be broken, and it is children stepping into Narnia through the back of a wardrobe who bring about her downfall. In Harry Potter, Platform 93/4 is the portal to another realm where the power of Voldemort is on the rise, and in Phillip Pullman’s Dark Materials trilogy, a Subtle Knife cuts through the space-time fabric between worlds.

Is our love of these stories a pointer to our spiritual exile? It is interesting to note that Jesus said we have to become like children to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

There are two sides to our nature, the selfish and the unselfish, that are often in conflict. We feel guilty when our selfishness prevails and our actions or words cause hurt and suffering. In Graham Greene’s The Quiet American, Fowler feels guilty that his actions caused the death of Pyle. He says, “How I wished there existed someone to whom I could say that I was sorry.”

Are the longing for something more for our lives and the desire to be free of guilt just part of the human condition or are they pointers to a spiritual self we should not ignore? 

Perhaps epiphanies and “aha” moments of illumination are times when a door swings briefly open  and a sublime Spiritual Mystery makes connection with our spirits?

A journey only you can make

Human beings are gregarious. We mostly live, work, play, and relax with other people. We join organisations, clubs, societies and so on and share our lives with others. But our spiritual journey is ours alone – it cannot be shared, and neither can we share in any other journey. 

Religions do not allow for individual journeys. They have an exclusive take on the spiritual life - it’s mostly their way or no way. Though Quakers are an exception, welcoming people with all beliefs and none. Making a spiritual journey does not mean conforming to someone else's idea of what it should be. 

Jesus spent his brief teaching ministry focussed on the individual. He preached about the Kingdom of Heaven and wanted everyone to enter it, but he knew each person had their own spiritual journey and tailored his words to meet their need. A woman collecting water from a well heard something very different from a rich young man who wanted to follow Jesus. In Jesus’ story of the Prodigal Son the father had different words for his two sons. He told a story about a lost sheep not a lost flock. When Peter, one of his followers asked him. “But Lord, what about this man?” Jesus replied, “If I will that he remains till I come, what is that to you? You follow Me." What is that to you? That man’s journey is not yours. 

Jesus didn’t conform to the rules of his own religion and poured scorn on some of the religious teachers, calling them whitewashed graves, - “You don’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven yourselves and you prevent other people from entering.”

We all have a spiritual life to lead. You don’t have to believe in God (whatever that means) or be a member of a religion to live spiritually. But you do need to make time for reading and quiet reflection, and be more aware of your spiritual nature and allow for new possibilities. 

Perhaps there will be epiphanies” and aha” moments where a door swings open and new worlds open up.

 “The longest journey Is the journey inwards, of him who has chosen his destiny, who has started upon his quest for the source of his being."  

Dag Hammarskjöld : (Sec. Gen of UN)

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