Four Loves

All You Need is Love the Beatles sang in 1967 but what is love, actually? To answer this question CS Lewis wrote "The Four Loves" as an exploration of the many shades of meaning behind that simple word. He used four Greek words to focus on four different forms that love can take in human life - each with its own beauty, challenges, and potential pitfalls. 

The book can be read online here. But note: it was written in 1960 by an Oxford Don so dated in many ways, particuarly in his examples and written by a scholar so over-wordy by today's standards.

What follows is summary of Lewis' book generated by AI and then edited,

Storge - Affection

Affection is the most natural and instinctive form of love. It is the love that typically arises within families - between parents and children, siblings, and even toward pets. Lewis sees it as a foundational love, one that develops out of familiarity and the natural bonds that form through shared experience.

Affection is not usually a deliberate choice; it simply grows from our proximity and long-term interactions with others. It provides a sense of belonging and stability, offering comfort in times of need.

Despite its warmth, affection can sometimes be taken for granted or become overly possessive. It lacks the conscious choice found in other types of love, which means it may not always rise to the challenges of a more reflective, moral love.

Philia - friendship

Friendship is a love that is deliberately chosen. Unlike the natural bond of affection, friendship is built on shared interests, mutual respect, and common values. Lewis considers it a unique form of love because it is both voluntary and  a way of engaging with people outside of our circle of affection.

True friendship involves a balance between giving and receiving, with both parties valuing each other’s company and insight. Friends often serve as mirrors, reflecting back to us parts of our character and helping us grow.

Because friendship is based on shared choices and common ideals, it can be fragile. When one friend changes or when interests diverge, the bond can weaken or break.

Eros - romantic love

Erotic love, or Eros, is the most intense and consuming form of love. It is characterized by passion, desire, and the yearning for union with another person. Lewis distinguishes this form of love from mere physical attraction or lust; it is about a deep, soulful longing to be united with another.

When balanced by reason and other forms of love, Eros can lead to profound personal transformation and a deeper connection with one’s partner.

Lewis warns that Eros can become problematic if it is elevated to an idol. When the beloved becomes an object of obsession, the love can turn possessive and self-centred. For Eros to be wholesome, it must eventually integrate with other aspects of love - such as friendship and selfless care - to avoid the pitfalls of obsession and unrealistic idealization.

Agape - unconditional & selfless love

Agape, is perhaps the highest and most challenging form of love in Lewis’s hierarchy. It is a selfless, unconditional love that does not depend on the worthiness or actions of the recipient. In Christian tradition, Agape is often seen as the love of God for humanity—and the love that humans are called to emulate.

Unlike the other loves, Agape is not limited by personal connection or mutual attraction. It is extended to all, regardless of personal ties or emotional reciprocation.

Practicing Agape demands a renunciation of selfish desires and a commitment to the well-being of others, often at personal cost.

Lewis acknowledges that while Agape is the ideal, it is difficult for humans to consistently practice this form of love without it becoming tainted by personal biases or emotional limitations.

Summary

Lewis emphasizes that these four loves are not mutually exclusive but can and do interrelate in a healthy life. For example, a deep friendship might blossom into romantic love, or a passionate relationship might be enriched by the steady comfort of affection. However, problems arise when one type of love is idolized or allowed to dominate our emotional lives to the detriment of the others. 
Human love is inherently flawed. Recognizing these imperfections is crucial for cultivating a more mature, reflective, and ultimately redemptive love.

Philosophical and Theological Insights

The Reflection of Divine Love:
Lewis argues that the various forms of human love are, in a sense, echoes of the divine love (Agape) that we are meant to emulate. Each type of love contains a “shadow” of this higher form, and the journey of life involves transforming our natural inclinations into something that more closely resembles unconditional, selfless love.

Love as a Discipline:
Far from being a mere emotion, love in Lewis’s view is a discipline - a practice that involves choice, sacrifice, and sometimes even pain. The process of loving well demands both humility and the willingness to confront one’s own imperfections.